How I’m recovering from the pandemic
So, here’s the thing: It’s been a minute since you’ve heard from me. While I’ve been working inside The Movement the past several months, I decided it was time we caught up and I shared some more of my recent story.
I left NY in March 2020 in an utter panic.
My husband and I were certain we had Covid. We had no family near us. And even though we knew we really couldn’t see family, the thought of something happening to both of us frightened me to my bones. I was terrified for my daughter.
When the former president threatened to quarantine the city, we packed up our belongings in under an hour and loaded a rental car. We took what we thought we would need for a few weeks, left the city not knowing when we would be back or when we would see our home again.
We didn’t know if we would be stopped at the state border (like, what?! but we honestly didn’t know) and drove through the night stopping twice to get gas (my husband wore rubber gloves). We relieved ourselves behind the gas station because we knew we shouldn’t have contact with anyone.
We arrived at my parents’ house in Chicago (they were in Florida) at 4:30 in the morning and crashed hard.
For the next year, I couldn’t sleep through the night without help. (Thank goodness for CBD, gaba, L theanine + Chinese herbs.).
For the first few months of being in Chicago, I had regular panic attacks. Every night around 5pm, when the day was winding down, the anxiety would start to creep in. One negative thought sent me on a hamster wheel of fear. Every. Single. Night.
At this point, you might be thinking, but Erin, you have all the tools to help deal with negative and fearful thinking, right?
Well, none of them worked like they usually did. I was not myself.
It was bigger than positive thinking. It was bigger than mantras. It was bigger than meditation. (In fact, I couldn’t really meditate at all. More on that another time.)
It’s not to say those things weren’t soothing, but they did not solve the deep undercurrent of what was there.
Many months later, many different kinds of therapy, walks, reconnecting with people, and, well, time—yes, time was a big one—I found my way back to myself.
My family and I eventually settled in a new house in Chicago, which was a big, huge change for me as well.
Which all leads me to my trip back to New York the other week.
The last few days, I’ve realized that going back was more than just going back to visit. It was about going back to the place I lived for 20 yrs—the place I left in a panic.
It was about knowing my city was ok, but more so, it was about knowing that the version of me who left that terrifying day was ok. That she was safe. That she was alive. That she could even experience total joy.
It was about reclaiming a part of myself that was utterly and desperately afraid. I needed to feel joy in my body in that place. I needed to feel that all was well. And that’s exactly what happened.
Returning to the place where I hurt was healing. Feeling something other than fear in that place was healing.
Since visiting, I have not used a single thing to help me sleep. Something deep within me let go and has been allowing me to rest a little easier and be more present. ♥️
I feel a new version of myself is emerging—finally, after all these months. I am looking forward to meeting her with open arms and a soft heart.
I am not ashamed of the feelings I experienced this last year. I am not embarrassed by the fact that I needed A LOT of extra help. (And I recognize my privilege in being able to get it.) This is a part of my story. This is what makes me who I am today.
Don’t forget where you have been and what you went through. Comfort her. Nurture her. Remind her that she is safe. You don’t have to rush the process.
You can take all the time you need.
_______________ What’s New _______________
Maybe you’re here because you read a blog post. Maybe you tried a Soul Stroll. Maybe you found me on social media.
Throughout the pandemic, The Movement has given me the perfect strength and structure I needed to heal. No matter how you got here, I want you to know that if you’re looking for something to help as you begin healing, The Movement is here for you, too.
What’s The Movement?
The Movement is our monthly membership that provides a complete wellness experience to strengthen your mind, your body, and your soul… anywhere, at any time.
Not quite sure what The Movement includes?
We’ve got a little something for everyone to help you reconnect with yourself, find your center, and rediscover joy.
11 Soul Strolls
as well as a daily calendar to make it easy!
You’ll also find coaching workshops, inspirational messages, Erin’s Lazy Kitchen recipes, hypnotherapy sessions…and so much more!
I’ve also been working tirelessly behind the scenes to add even more, including live classes, expert interviews, and guest sessions.
The Movement is always growing, and I’d love for you to experience it for yourself. Join us with our 7-day FREE trial and see for yourself whether this is a community that can help you move forward with joy.
This next month is going to be amazing over here at The Movement. And I can’t wait to move and grow with you in all these exciting ways. In the meantime, I thank you for being here.
P.S. Did you know that there is a program called Connect inside The Movement? Over the course of 4 weeks, you are going to get connected to your mind, body and heart as well as the people around you, your community and the world as a whole. Start your 7-day FREE trial and try it out for yourself.