A Question I Strongly Dislike
I am curious how you feel when you get asked THIS particular question.
Lately in meetings and networky type events I hear it getting asked quite a bit.
“So what’s your END GAME? Where do you ultimately see X going?” (Fill X in with whatever business venture, career choice or creative project you are currently working on.)
When they say END GAME, I secretly want to ask them if them mean what I will be doing with my business the moment before I die. END GAME. THE FINALE. NO MORE AFTER THAT.
I know that is not what they are getting at, but it certainly sounds dramatic:)
If hearing this question makes you nervous, uncomfortable, dumbfounded or stumble for the right words, I am hoping today’s post will help you out a little.
It’s easy to beat ourselves up for not having the ULTIMATE VISION, The big KAHUNA LIFE LONG GOAL.
Particularly when you hear people sharing big goals like “I want every single woman on this planet to experience my life changing tools. I want to I want to be a household name. I want to be a New York Times Best Selling Author.”
And if those goals feel really authentic to you, then yes, fabulous! This is wonderful. I love when we are given and can feel really clear, BIG dreams!
However, if you find yourself stumbling to come up with the “right” answer to this question and when you finally do answer it you don’t believe a word you are saying, please don’t worry.
Not long ago I sat in a meeting with a big Hollywood agent who said, “Your plan should be World Domination. And every thing you do with your business should be moving you closer to that.”
Whoa. World Domination. I figured I better get busy!:)
Look, I get what he was saying: Play to win and dream really big. And I am ALL for that. I love to dream big.
But sometimes if you dream too big, too soon, like as in World Domination, it will just make you want to stay in bed and hide. Because it can feel… well… exhausting and slightly inauthentic.
This has nothing to do with your LACK of vision or more importantly the future of your success.
It has been my experience that more often then not, we get access to, or we are able to see our bigger dreams only once some of our smaller dreams are accomplished.
I like to say that life and achieving your goals is like trekking through a wilderness path with a series of big mountains.
You set a goal that you know isn’t going to be easily reached.
You trek up that goal mountain. You do everything you can to get to the top. And eventually you get there. You accomplish what you set out to do.
And it is not until the MOMENT you are standing at the top of that mountain that you have a BRAND NEW perspective on what is possible next.
You can look back and see what you have done. You are a new person as a result.
Most importantly, you literally have a new vision of what is ahead.
You see things you couldn’t possibly have seen when you were at the bottom of that mountain, before you accomplished that goal.
In fact, had you already created a world domination plan that was to take you across the entire terrain, you would likely find that from the place you now stand, the plan MUST change.
And likely, you now see a clearer route.
I don’t know about you, but I find that comforting. It makes me feel like I don’t have to have it ALL figured out today. I don’t really have to know my end game. Today.
When I ran the first Shrink Session teacher training a few weeks ago, I had no idea if I would even enjoy teaching other teachers. Truly. I was nervous.
Turns out, I loved mentoring these amazing young ladies. And because of that, I can now make a plan to do more trainings.
But what if I hated it or it didn’t translate? My teacher training world domination plan would have been all for not.
When I shot the first Shrink Session videos a year and half ago, I finished the shoot and was quite emotional.
Why?
Because I saw something for Shrink Session that I had never seen before. The vision for it had suddenly expanded tremendously!
But it took me choreographing, producing and going through a long and intense shoot before I got that new and expanded vision.
I have been living out that vision this past year and as I accomplish each goal, the vision continues to expand.
And my guess is by the end of the year, Life will be kind enough to show me what’s next.
My suggestion, and take it for what it’s worth, is the next time someone asks you your ultimate vision, end game or world domination plan, honor where you are today with it.
Maybe you can just see the next 3 months. That’s great. Share that.
Maybe you can just see the next week, that works too. Share that.
Trust that your current vision is getting you to the next precipice. More will be revealed once you get there.
And if world domination IS truly your end game, then please be super gentle to all the people you meet along the way. ‘Cause world domination is no joke. Or is it?:)
If you have thoughts on this topic, I’ll be hanging out over on the blog. Would love to hear what you think. Last week post sparked some eye opening discussions, so thanks for contributing to that.
Love
Erin
P.S. Do you live in Chicago? I’m honored to be teaching a fundraising class for a charity that is near and dear to my heart, Bright Pink, an organization that raises awareness and provides education around breast and ovarian cancer.
The class is Friday May 9th at 9:30am. Would love to see you there! You can sign up or are welcome to donate if you can’t make it by clicking HERE.
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When I was asked where I saw 3D Graphic Doodles going my reply was “The same place you do.” If someone is going to ask then they don’t have the vision to see. Without the vision nothing goes anywhere. So I was insulted. I also fired that accountant.
I always interpreted the “END GAME” question as “When will you be satisfied with your success?” It’s a goal we make for ourselves that only we can define. That goal could be monetary, as in, “When my business earns $1 million”, physical, as in “When I lose 5 pounds”, or whatever our own personal true measure of success is in our own lives. It helps leaps and bounds to clearly define that measure of success, because it can and does absolutely change over time. You will lose the 5 lbs, you will make your first million, and then you have to make a new goal, because you are not the same person as that particular moment when you were asked the question all those many moons ago.
Thanks for the inspiring post Erin! I found it comforting and really needed this.
Applause, Erin! I dislike that question because it’s static. It implies we reach some goal and then STOP or just coast along on that same trajectory, that same plateau, forever. (Also, I hear you on the fatalistic undertones of the question. “Endgame” I strongly associate with chess and checkmate… ha!)
And so I answer something like this with “to have fun and make a living doing it … shampoo, rinse, repeat.”
Thanks for this, Erin. This has been weighing heavily on my mind the last few days so this blog is perfect timing. I’ve found that at the moment my dreams are relatively small. I don’t want a lot of the things that I thought I should want, and that’s ok. I want to play small for a bit, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I think playing small is quite appropriate depending on what you are working on. Sometimes it gives you the flexibility to play around a bit while you figure things out.
It was so nice to know I’m not alone in this “bigger vision” deficiency. Every day I wake up with a new vision for my future and my “end game” is just to give the best I have each day, come what may!
When someone asks me that question I always approach it from the perspective that they are actually asking me “Are you heading toward something I’m interested in too?” sometimes, in a business situation they are wondering if they want to come along on your ride and they need to know if the road you’re going down will go past things they value too. For instance, do they want to use your services and products or maybe even invest in you, if given the opportunity?
In general conversation it seems like one of those canned interview questions to just see what you’ll say. It probably says more about that other person than you at the end of the day 🙂
I say give em your 30 second elevator speech and see what happens!
Hmmm…you keep my kind of hours…writing this at 5:30 AM. Anyway, I’m right there with you (and yesterday maybe a little behind.) I want to help, be of service, share my views and empower others to live life with Spirit and happiness. I’d like to write a book too. But… my ego gets in the way and I forget to see my own light. Yesterday I felt stuck and my goals seemed so lofty. Who am I to offer anything which has not already been said to the world? No one knows me. Anyway, I’m packing Gabrielle Bernstein’s book everywhere I go these days and she has such amazing advice on turning off the ego and turning up your light. Sometimes for me it is one day at a time. Abraham says that you already have placed your intentions into the vortex long ago and now all you have to do is catch up and get into the vortex to align your desire and reality.
So, world domination? Do you want to be happy or do you you want to win? World domination feels like it’s about needing to win. I read a book recently called, “The Desire Map” by Danielle Laporte. It asks if you are chasing the goal itself or are you chasing the feelings you will have when you reach the goal. In other words, is the essence of your desire a feeling? She goes on to say, “Behind every desire there is a feeling and your feelings will lead you to your soul.” So, it’s truly knowing your soul which might be the end game? Maybe starting there and working backwards is how to set everything in motion? So what are the feelings you need to feel in order to lead you to your soul? What are the actions you need to take to feel the feelings you need to feel? Whoa!
I’ve always set goals for myself and in the early 90’s I was in an amazing mastermind group where we set intentions and goals every week. I was in my early twenties then and for me, it was probably more about, “world domination.” Now, my goals truly reflect how I want to feel. They are all centered on connecting to Spirit, being one with all people, knowing Spirit’s will for me and having the power to carry it out.
Thanks for your blog this week and I keep thinking about last week’s blog too. Cool stuff.
On a side note… I have had to write a few sympathy cards this week. I’ve spent a lot of time on the internet researching poems, quotes, etc. I know it’s not a coincidence that I have been thinking about my end game too with all this reading about death and memorials. It’s cheesy but I have been thinking about what people will say when I die. I guess that this reinforces the feeling and soul paragraph above…I want people to say that I was giving, kind, funny, happy and I always brought Spirit into their lives.
Thanks for listening!
Melissa
I think that’s a lovely “end game”, Melissa. Sounds like you are on track;)
Thank you for summing up what finally dawned on me this morning. I know what my next goal is. It will take care of the next 4-6 months of my life. I’m happy with that because it’s taken me 4 months to get here. And you’re so right, I won’t be the same person in 6 months. I’ll let the new Georgie figure out the next goal.
Thanks!
Yes! 6 months will provide you with a whole lotta new material to consider:) Sounds like you are right on target.
Erin:
I also dislike the question “What’s your end game?” It implies that you have to see the final outcome. I also interpret it to mean that you’re a failure if you don’t have a defined outcome.
It’s the world of seeing people as winners or losers, I see that as a world controlled by wounded masculine energy, very ego based. If we focus on our final goal, the end game, we miss the journey of achieving our goal. We won’t acknowledge what we’ve learned in the process of reaching our goal.
I recently wrote about this in my blog post, A New View of Failure. I’m learning to celebrate the effort I make in achieving my goals as well as the outcomes. When I do, I enjoy delightful celebrations every day.
Blessings!
I hate that question too. It should be, “how are you going to turn your business into a legacy?”
I LOVE this question, Christopher.
Totally agree ! We easily get way ahead of ourselves and get discouraged. it is a process, just like walking. You strive to do your best and work at get better from there! Do your best and forget the rest!
I’ve heard this question asked in so many disguises over the years and despite seemingly interested in me, in hindsight I found it was meant as a put down; to discourage me; make me small in the face of the big picture. The person asking it often felt superior to me but lacked the imagination to come up with ideas and either didn’t want me to succeed or wanted the ideas for themselves.
Now I would simply say I’m taking this small step to see what pans out and turn the conversation to what they are doing. A good friend or interested person will encourage me to grow without demanding what the outcome is to be.
Hi Erin, interesting piece. I’m in Sydney and have to say I don;t think that question has reached here yet… 🙂
Reading through your piece and the comments I guess people do ask it. Years ago some one asked me “what’s your 5 year plan?” which at the time (I was early 20s) seemed SO far away I couldn’t imagine
Many of the people, mostly women, I work with really want to focus on why they are doing what they do and what sort of difference they make for individuals, for communities and in the world
Yeah, it’s actually pretty intimidating. I remember when I started wrestling in 9th grade. All of these new guys were saying “I’m going to be a state champ! Undefeated!”. In the end all they did was put extra pressure on themselves. It also hurt a lot more when they’d get killed in practice by the more experienced guys.
Isn’t it kind of weird to assume you know what your end goal is all the time? Like how many people actually know that? It reminds me of dating a girl for the first time and thinking omg we’re gonna get married. I obviously had no clue what I was talking about haha.
In the end I think things change. The stuff I want now isn’t going to be the same as when I’m 30. I’ll be so different then. It’s okay to change your opinion on stuff when you feel a different way, I think.
I just have a bunch of short term goals, the longest being 6 months. Instead of constantly thinking about the end, I’d rather just focus on developing new skills and relationships that last. Way less stressful than the alternative!