The Story of My Beloved Couch
Today I have a story for you. It’s about a couch and the challenge of letting go.
If you have ever felt like there is something in your life you are holding on to (whether it be a relationship, a job, a way of being) that you know could be preventing you from stepping into a more fulfilled, satisfied version of yourself, this is for you.
And while this story is about my couch, specifically, it’s not just about my couch. My guess is we all have something in our lives that we simply don’t want to let go of in fear of not knowing what’s next.
But let’s Take-it-Back Tuesday to many years ago, when I got really lucky.
Like Win-The-Lottery kind of Lucky.
Years ago, I managed to get an amazing, once in a lifetime, steal of deal apartment in New York City. This was the kind of deal that New Yorkers spend many lifetimes trying to aquire. The kind of deal your friends want to congratulate you about, but then kill you- so they can take your place:)
At the time, I had only been living in NYC for 2 years. I was young. I was single. And I was broke. And yet, my life was full of possibility.
The first piece of adult furniture I bought when I moved into my incredible apartment, was a light green, velvety, sleeper sofa love seat. It was regal, but not intimidating. It was feminine, but not dainty. It had weight, but it didn’t overpower the room. It was pretty much perfect.
And I felt like I grew into the woman I am today with her by my side. I laughed, cried, stayed up far too late watching both incredibly amazing movies and incredibly crappy ones, took naps, read books, had friends sleep over on it, ate dinners and everything in between.
My couch saw it all.
Flash forward to current day where I am no longer a single woman in New York City. I am no longer as young as I once was. I am happily no longer broke, and my life is STILL full of possibility.
So when it came time for my man and I to start planning for our future, we contemplated where we should live for the next little while. Clearly, you don’t let this once-in-a-lifetime apartment deal go so fast.
Instead, we decided that we would re-decorate the place, in order to make it more ‘OURS’.
I was excited and ready for the upgrade.
Paint job, new wall unit, bedside table, lamps, wall decor, window treatment: check, check, check!
All was going great! We were LOVING the updates. It felt exactly right.
Then it came time to look for a new couch. We happily agreed that getting a larger, more spacious one would allow for maximum movie watching enjoyment. We began our search and fairly quickly found the ONE we wanted, bought it and scheduled delivery.
What I didn’t realize was what would happen when I got home, AFTER purchasing our new couch.
I walked in the door, looked at MY green little love couch, and realized that in order to make space for the NEW one I would have to get rid of the OLD one. Don’t ask me why I didn’t really think this through before, but suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, I burst into tears.
Tears. Full on tears. Over a couch!
And for the next week as I prepared to let her go, I was weepy, emotional and unfocused.
(Me on my little love seat, before we said good-bye.)
Now, it was quite clear to me, and perhaps it is to you, that this was not just about the couch as a material possession.
This was about all the parts of myself that were wrapped up in that couch. In many ways, the couch symbolized my independence, my freedom, and my ambition. All things I was proud to have ‘acquired’.
And while I knew I had to make space for this new chapter, I wondered how much of ME I was supposed to let go of in order to make that space?
All of me? Parts of me? None of me?
And the scarier questions that arose were what would this new chapter look like? Who would I become? Would I succeed or would I fail at being the partner I longed to be?
Have you ever been BEYOND excited and ABSOLUTELY certain about the direction you are headed and at the same time, you are having lingering feelings of fear?
It’s a crazy roller coaster of emotions.
While I believe it is incredibly common, what is even more common is that many of us are not fully CONSCIOUS of the fact when a transition is actually happening.
We don’t even realize that letting go is a natural–even beautiful–part of moving forward. So instead, we grip on to the past.
Whether it is about starting a new job, beginning a new relationship, or making changes in our bodies, an internal struggle occurs as we begin to shed our old skin.
This unconscious realization that change is happening often causes us to sabotage the very thing we want to move towards.
We get moody. We get doubtful. We isolate. We pick fights with our partners. We pick fights with our friends. We show up late. We stop going to the gym.
We say, “Oh maybe this was a bad idea after all.”
When in reality, we are simply uncomfortable because the NEW version of us, the direction we are headed, the thing that we actually have always wanted, is not yet fully formed. It remains slightly murky and unknown.
During these times, I think it is important to be gentle with yourself, but also to become aware of where you are placing your focus.
Life is truly a game of attention. What you deliberate over, negative or positive, will have a big effect on how you will feel day to day.
Are you keeping your eyes on what you are losing? Or are you focused on what you could be gaining?
Is your head turned towards your past, idealizing the ‘good times’, or are you willing to look forward and let yourself continue to dream of your bright future?
Most importantly, are you willing to sacrifice just a little bit of your comfort in order to take a leap towards this new, beautiful landscape?
The next time you go through a similar transition, or are in one right now, by all means, feel your feelings.
Take some quiet time to reconnect with what you do know.
Get extra rest.
Go for a mani/pedi. (I’m not sure why, but this tends to solve a lot of problems in general:)
Hang out with your friends or anybody who reminds you of who you are, no matter the job, relationship or body you are in.
But so important, whatever you do, do your absolute best to not let the Couch Gremlins get the best of you.
I promise, you can handle it. You can withstand the discomfort. You can float between two lands, not fully grounded in either. You will not lose yourself.
You will find your footing. You will find your groove in this new space. You will grow new roots.
And before you know it you will be curled up on your new couch, making new memories and STILL staying up far to late watching both crappy and amazing movies.
Are you going through a transition right now, or do you know someone who is? I want to ask you to share this or forward it on to them so they know they are not alone.
Then, I invite you to leave a comment and let me know if this resonates with you. Have you ever sabotaged yourself as you were moving towards something new? Do you have things you can turn to ground yourself during these times?
I would love to hear from you, below.
With love from my new couch,
P.S. Did you know Volume 1 of the world-wide popular Soul Stroll is NOW available? If you are looking for some inspirational ways to move your body and inspire your thinking, check it out HERE.