Communicating with Love – Made Simple
I’ve been thinking about conversations and the ways that we go about expressing ourselves to others.
I sometimes forget the power of my own words, and the power of the energy behind them.
It’s easy to get caught up with your own feelings, that you forget how those feelings might land when shared and if they might actually derail someone from the direction they are going, even if only temporarily.
For example, sometimes my husband will come home from a long day and I can see he wants to share something exciting.
At the same time, I am about to explode over something that has been bothering me for the last several hours.
So rather than waiting and letting him share, I jump in with what I THINK is more pressing: MY issue, of course!
So not only am I NOT taking him in, but let’s be honest: I completely take the wind out of his sails, killing his vibe.
And while he is pretty good at lovingly calling me out on it, I think about how we, mostly I, can do better.
Here is my question for you today.
How often do you take time to think about HOW what you are about to say is going to land?
And instead of just jumping into what you need to say, do you ever try to create a space that might actually make it EASIER for your words to be digested, rather than deflected?
Think about it: deflecting is what people do when you throw something at them.
I recently read a passage in a book by Liane Moriarty. The characters were two young sisters, 8 and 4 years old. On an unfortunate day, the older sister found out their father had suddenly passed away.
When her younger sister came home, she told her to get into her pajamas and get into her bed and under the covers.
I am paraphrasing, but she said something to the effect of, “I am about to tell you something that is going to hurt real bad. And I don’t want you to be afraid or to be in pain.”
She then crawled into bed and held her little sister tightly as she told her what happened to their father.
She knew how bad the words were going to hurt. And she did everything she could to make it a little less painful.
I cried when I read that. I still cry, thinking about it now.
While I realize this is an extreme case, I wonder what our lives would be like if we took that same kind of care when sharing our thoughts with others?
Especially when those thoughts might just have a big impact on the person we are sharing them with.
What would it be like if you made sure that you created a somewhat sacred space before diving into telling someone you are breaking up with them.
Or quitting a job.
Or lividly upset with their prior actions.
Or can no longer commit to something you already promised.
You might be surprised that this little extra effort does yield some great results and actually gives the person an opportunity to take it in.
I am not saying you have to micromanage and control everything. (Or that they will like what you have to say!)
One thing I say to my husband when he gets upset with my vibe killing is, “Look, this is life! It’s messy and effed up and I can’t always wait for the perfect time to tell you something. We are so damn busy. The time will never be right! This information will bother you even if I wait to say it at just the right time.”
To some degree, this is true. Life really is messy. And we can’t always do things in a nice and sacred way. But we can certainly try.
We can try to deliver our messages with more care.
We can try to stop and zoom out so that our need to vent our own feelings is not the only thing driving us. Communicating with love isn’t easy, but it’s worth the effort.
Here is a mantra to help you drop into the power of your own words.
I use my words to heal
I use my words to bless
Close your eyes and just repeat those words. Can you use your words to both heal and be a blessing to someone else today?
I’m curious: do you ever get so caught up in the moment that you forget that your words, and how you say them, have the power to really impact someone? Have you ever had that happen to you? I would love to hear about it.
Share your thoughts below! I’m excited to hear what you think.