Why You Need to Let Yourself WANT
Where in your life are you not letting yourself WANT the thing that you really want? Where might you be skimping on yourself and your desires?
The other day I walked into a Starbucks to get a treat. Yes, now and again, (ok, often) I like sweet treats.
In particular, I was craving a cinnamon scone. There is just something about those damn Starbucks scones. They are sweet, but not too sugary. Soft, but not chewy. Baked, yet not dehydratingly dry. (Can you tell I know my scone?)
Anyway, I noticed the scone was 480 calories.
It has the most calories compared to everything else in that case.
Butter Croissant: 380
Banana Chocolate Swirl: 330
Blueberry Oat Bar: 370
And I had a moment where I thought; “I can’t believe I always get the thing with the most calories! Mmmm, maybe I should just go with the Oat Bar. It does have fewer calories. It’s probably healthier. Do I really NEED the scone?”
But because years ago I used to have this kind of back and forth conversation with myself around food, I have gotten pretty good and shutting this rigmarole down and just ordering what I truly want.
The scone.
I don’t believe in counting calories.
I believe in listening to your body, it’s cravings, eating when you are hungry, eating slowly, stopping when you are full.
More importantly, I believe in eating for pleasure, enjoying your food and never, EVER allowing yourself to feel guilt or shame for wanting what you want or having what you had.
Now, I am not really telling you this story to talk about scones, or calories or what you should and should not be eating.
Why You Need to Let Yourself WANT
But, here’s my question for you.
Where in your life do you cut corners, skimp, choose the ‘lesser’ thing, the cheaper thing or worse, where do you not let yourself REALLY have what it is that you want?
Again, this is not just about food. I am talking about your business, your love life, your career or any other part of your life where you skimp out.
Where in your life do you not even ALLOW yourself to DESIRE the very thing that keeps coming up in you mind?
Are there times you won’t even admit to what you want just because it doesn’t make rational sense?
Like when you want something for no OTHER reason than because it would feel good, be fun or even fulfill a part of yourself that needs satisfying.
I think so often we are afraid to tell the truth of what we desire and what we need in the moment.
We are afraid to voice it and we are certainly afraid to go after it.
We worry that people will think we are indulgent, needy, slutty or ostentatious.
We think that our desires makes us weak.
We fear that people will see the real us. The part of us that is ambitious, hungry, or even ravenous for life.
And because we often have the belief that the qualities I just mentioned are ‘bad’, VERY BAD, we won’t even tolerate theses feelings within ourselves, out of fear it might actually be true.
How dare you want to make a lot money? Shame.
How dare you want to be the star of the show? Starved for attention.
How dare you want to just. get. laid? Ooooh, you little slut.
How dare you want the scone? Baaad. So, so bad.
And so we settle for the Oat Bar.
For the lesser.
For what we don’t REALLY want.
But here is what happens.
We end up over indulging or gorging ourselves on the oat bar or the ‘lesser’ desired things, because we are hoping that maybe, just maybe it will fill the need.
We get pissed at our partners for not doing what we want them to do, when really, we are not honoring our OWN desires in other parts of our lives.
We blame the industry we are in for not giving US enough money, work or acknowledgment, when really, we are depriving ourselves of a vacation or possibly self-expression.
If we just could have been honest about wanting the scone and allowing ourselves to eat it or at least go after it, we might actually be satisfied.
In a few days, I am handing out Magic Wands for all those who will be joining in the next round of Magical Manifesters.
I tell you this, because the entire first module of the course is about BEING HONEST with your desires. Letting them see the light of day. Admitting the truth about who you are and want you want.
I am absolutely certain the first step in living a FULL, EXCITING, RICH life, is simply honoring and admitting what it is that you really want, deep down, before you even take any action.
This is what the first part of Magical Manifesters is all about. Desire. Then we make a plan, but more on that next week.
I hope you will consider joining me. Be sure to check your inbox in a few days with the official announcement and links to our new digs.
In the meantime, if this strikes a chord within you…
In the comments section, I invite you to write this phrase out 3 times.
I want…
I want…
I want…
Tell me 3 things you REALLY, like REALLY want. Whatever comes to your mind first. They can be ridiculous things and not make any sense at all.
And the best part is that you don’t have to actually DO anything about it.
You can just simply acknowledge your own desires for today and see how that feels. Start there. See what happens.
I hope you have a deliciously, dirty, exciting, satisfying weekend.
Love and scones,
Erin
I love this post! I have a wall of “I want” in my bedroom. As funky-crazy-collagey as it looks, it makes me happy.
Thanks for the reminder!
“We get pissed at our partners for not doing what we want them to do, when really, we are not honoring our OWN desires in other parts of our lifes” – this is very good.
I also think oat bars are a complete waste of money (and calories) haha
Haha, true story, Margie;)
I want…a boyfriend
I want…a bigger apartment
I want…all my debts paid off
Whew! That felt good 🙂
So good, Erin. So, so, so good. I love MC’s words. I will admit that I totally fall in the trap of acting like I don’t have an appetite for certain things so I feel superior, like I have figured out a way to transcend things that other people want and need. Lies!!! Lies!!! Here’s what I want:
– an incredible light-filled, high- ceilinged, charm-filled, spacious NYC apartment in an amazing neighborhood (still haven’t decided yet) with an equally huge outdoor space where I live with my husband and our dog and our future kiddos.
– a superstar acting and comedy career
– so much money in the bank that I do not even think about it and I treat everyone all the time.
Yes!!!!
Olivia- I love this “acting like I don’t have an appetite for certain things so I feel superior, like I have figured out a way to transcend things that other people want and need. Lies!!! Lies!!!”
So true! I do the same. Great recognition:)
Wow. And I thought I was ok with everything I wanted. That was until I read the quote from Margaret Curry. I hadn’t realized that even yesterday I apologized for being hungry. It was lunch time. How ridiculous! So the three things I want:
1) A great job.
2) a date with someone wonderful
3) a thin strong body.
Thank you!
Margaret is pretty profound:) Crazy the things we apologize for. Thanks for writing in, Allison!
I want my BFF Jennifer to be free from Addison’s Disease!
I want to be debt free!
I want to take my family on a fabulous first vacation!
Thanks for this forum Erin!
“We end up over indulging or gorging ourselves on the oat bar or the ‘lesser’ desired things, because we are hoping that maybe, just maybe it will fill the need.”
So glad I opened this email!
I want… scones
I want… magic
I want… food
Great magical ponder-stuff! ♥
So glad you popped by to share your wants. 🙂
I want a solid, exciting job in sustainbility, where I get to be challenged, held and where I get to express (and find) the real me.
I want glorious friendships, that are deep and meaningful, and that brings out the best in me, and shines the light on places where I can grow.
I want to feel sexy and to have sexual hunger and desire, to no longer feel numb and ashamed that I don’t feel and connect, to feel like a goddess and be fierce.
Thank you for this Erin. It is absolute genius! Love it!! And thanks to Margaret for her courageous and inspiring words.
1. I want a healthy and fit body
2. I want a large, airy, light, beautiful apartment with great views, outdoor space & hooked up with all the great amenities that make life easy breezy…
3. I want a loving, sexy, tall, wealthy (yes, I said wealthy-tough one for me to put out there-oohh she’s so materialistic and greedy) man. We adore each other.
Thanks for providing this exercise. Was quite fun, stimulating and honest.
Love, PatriciaG
Great article Erin! Love the quote by Margaret! I think women especially have a hard time expressing our wants and desires to ourselves, forget about out loud, and then we settle for far less.
I want a brand new Canon 5D Mark III ( new not used like my current camera because I don’t eat to settle for less!)
I want a beautiful light filled studio where women can gather and feel beautiful and supported
I want a loving & supportive husband that will be a true partner in life
Just writing these wants down here is very powerful. Thank you!
Michelle
I want…
To feel peace – to stop feeling overwhelmed all the time and to end the battle with depression and anxiety.
To start my own business in a creative field – my friends and family love the jewelry I make.
A fit healthy body – no more muffin top, get my teeth fixed, etc. (OK, I have this little voice saying, maybe it would be better to accept my body the way it is?
Thanks for the inspiration! Kate
Kate, I totally want the same thing-to stop feeling overwhelmed all the time and end the battle with depression and anxiety. Some people may think that anxiety isn’t that big of a deal and you can just tell yourself to get over it, which is definitely NOT the case. I am making progress but still have work to do. Best of luck to you in getting what you want!!
Erin, thank you for this. Allowing the ‘true’ wants to surface is what’s so crucial here, yes? Which means taking your mind off the roller coaster for a moment and connecting to your real desires…and then saying yes to them!
I want to get back to a place of power & confidence where I didn’t worry so very much about what others thought of me.
I want to run more.
I want to lie on the beach next week in Hither Hills for 7 days straight and be soothed by the sound of the waves.
Thanks again, mama. 😉
Erin,
This was very inspiring for me, especially because I am going through an incredibly tough phase in my life. Once I started writing out my “I wants” I realized how much I have been depriving myself of everything that I actually want just to make other’s around me happy. I almost couldn’t stop at just 3. This simple task has made me really realize that I need to be strong and stop worrying about what everyone else will say when I do what I want to do…
I want a man who loves and supports me for who I truly am, not who they think I am or should be.
I want a body that I can actually be 100% comfortable in (i.e. fixed teeth, leaner, stronger).
I want to finally learn the path that I need to be on in life for my career.
Thank you so much Erin,
Jia
I want to honor what is in me and who I am by writing, really writing.
I want to stay in awareness of what I need, what I want and what feels good and then act on that awareness.
I want to dance, sing and play a guitar (or a ukelele).
I want to sleep when I am tired, eat good food when I am hungry and hang out with people I love.
I want to make pictures of my world.
I want to have a clean home with fewer things in and around it.
That should do it for now!
I want an M3
I want my friend to love me very very much
I want to weight 15 kg less then today
Mmm, juicy stuff.
I want a higher income, with the same amount of ease and free time I have now.
I want my body to be amazon-strong, healthy and relaxed.
I want some hot sex.
Yes, yes and yes!
I WANT…To go to Belize and stay in a hut with a glass floor that looks into the ocean!
I WANT…A clean, decluttered house from top to bottom!
I WANT…Decadent brownies to be healthy!
I want to stay at home.
I want to have a thriving writing career.
I want another child.
Many thanks for this first opportunity of saying it out loud.
I want….a baby.
I want….a career that is fulfilling and that I love.
I want….real, true, fabulous, close girlfriends.
lovely and truthful… cheers erin.
i want… to write all of my inspiring stories and have them published.
i want… to create my blog and have all who read it to smile and be “touched” by it’s content.
i want… to move to the south coast of mass with my beloved and tend our gardens together and write, write, write!
oh, one more…i want to bake for you erin! with love and gratitude for you being in my life, MLH
I want a healthy relationship with food
I want to move my body every day in new ways that is fun AND makes me sweat
I want to fall in love WITH MYSELF & A SPECIAL SOMEONE
I want to be calm, not anxious anymore
I want to be out there walking, breathing, smiling
I want be a good friend, a loving wife and a grateful human
I want a sports car
I want a mansion
I want to take a year-long vacation..
Well that feels nice…
I want to watch doctor who for hours
I want peanut butter popcorn
i want ben and jerry’s
I want sex to be more fun.
I want the courage to get pregnant.
I want my business to grow beyond my imagination.
I want (and desperately need) to be out of debt and be financially secure.
I want to have confidence in myself.
I want to be able to take vacations with my husband starting with the honeymoon we’ve been waiting to take for 30 years.
I want to feel joy and happiness.
I want to be dating my husband.
I want to be debt-free.
I want to have the financial means to travel on a whim (locally and internationally) and be able to give money to others.
Thank you so much for this article, especially when on the outside I am smiling and crying on the inside – your blog is helping my current situation.
I want my blog to grow and my dream of it to come true
I want to eat another piece of cake without needing reassurance from my man.
I want to wear short shorts and not CARE what anything thinks!
I want to love myself wholly, because I deserve that.
I want to experience an hour of nothing but calm meditation.
I want : lots of money so I can have – a beautiful house with lots of outdoor space – a car (I’m yet to learn to drive)
I want to have the slim and trim body I always dreamt of so I can finally dress the way I want, and be super stylish
I want to be good at dancing and make a living out of it.
And one last one, as I’m so greedy, have one good true close girlfriend in the city I’m living.
Love you Erin, thanks so much for post. Lovedddd it!
I want a rich, fulfilling life
I want to wear hippie clothes and play all day with my friends and loved ones
I want to feel healthy, vibrant, and RADIANT!!
Wow! Reading this blog was like reading my thoughts. Why is it that when we are doing better for ourselves we feel so damn guilty because we are doing better than some others and therefore downplay our success?
Ok here are my wants…
1) I want to be financially free, abundant and savvy in all areas of my financial life. To be in a position where abundance constantly flows and freedom from financial stress is but a faded memory.
2) I want to be living on the Sunshine Coast starting my new fabulous position teaching gorgeous little Prep people how wonderful life and learning can be.
3) I want to travel and in particular travel to Ireland, to go home to get in touch with my roots, to meet new people, explore fantastic new and exciting places that will stretch my comfort zone beyond belief in the most delicious fabulous way!
Thank you…
I want to be debt free
I want to lose my excess body fat and weight
I want to move house before the end of August
I want to get my business off the ground once and for all
Thank you for your inspiration it means so much
I want a steady, committed boyfriend
I Want to not be afraid of my weight
I Want to successfully rent a house by August 15th
That felt surprisingly good!
I want: To be okay with myself and not worry that others wont like me
I want : to be thinner but not thin
I want: To be less gossipy
I’m totally late to the party on this post but it’s such a great one, and it is exactly what I needed to hear at the moment so I’m going to throw in my two cents!
I want boundless energy, I want to be the kind of person that you just can’t help wanting to be around, because I make everyone feel special – you know the type of person you walk away from with an extra spring in your step after seeing!
I want a damn cat. I know this may seem petty but I’ve wanted to have a cat forever and my previous, and current) , boyfriends have not wanted to have one. Well I do, dammit! I want to give a home to a big, fat, gorgeous old boy that’s been overlooked for a younger cat at a rescue home.
I want to stop seeing money as a bad thing. Money enables the security of myself and those that I love. I want to be able to spend money doing up our home with beautiful, warm and gorgeous things. Money is not the root of all evil as I was brought up to believe, and it IS accessible to me.
I want to honour my body by treating it with the respect it deserves. I’m tired of eating things that make me feel sick and tired (I’m lactose intolerant with a cheese problem… But life’s too short to not eat cheese right?!) I want to fall in love with spinning again and I want to love excersize like I used to!
I want to be honest with others about my wants and desires without feeling like I should always put the needs of others before my own.
And breathe…..
I just found this post tonight after just an hour ago feeling like I don’t speak up for want truly makes me happy! So thanks, Erin, for this…..seriously, the timing makes me smile 🙂
I want…. to feel sexy and hot ….desirable with my husband, whom I love very much , though feel that we’re more buddies than a couple looking to sneak in hot moments together!
I want….to feel sexy and hot (and healthy) in my body! To put my health as a priority. To put all the knowledge I have about health and fitness into actual action 🙂
I want….to know what I want “to do” in life. After 13 yrs as a massage therapist and not physically able to work on maybe 2 a week now (physical issues) ….I’m kind of lost as to “who I am”!!! I want to find my new passion!
thanks Erin, for this and all that you do!
susan
I want to be financially secure.
I want work that means something so I don’t feel like I am just putting in time somewhere.
I want to get rid of the pudge that has wrapped itself around my waist.
And I want to know if Kate got her “damn cat”!
OMG!!! this week I wanted a scone so bad!!! (I am an accountant for a grocery store and coffee house) And since I’m trying to avoid sugar, I talked myself out of it, even tho it took days. So that’s what drew me in to this article, but then it grabbed me by the throat!!! I do this ALL THE TIME. WITH EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE. I have always said, I don’t need the best, 2nd best is good enough. and it usually is, but. I am going to have to really meditate on this. You are so SO full of great stuff!!!! Love you! So glad I’m in your vortex now.
You always pop up with something wonderful just when we need you most! Thank you!!
I want —–to have a thin, healthy body.
I want——to live in a condo overlooking the water.
I want——to KNOW I have worth and feel confident in my own skin.
Ohhh! That is sooo cool!
I’m a 54 year old single mother of two wondeful 18 and 20 y.o. young adults.
I wish I could give them more than what they have…
So here are my wants:
– I want: To have a healthy, strong, leaner, body, that I love, nurture and respect. (I’m learning to love my body the way “she” is, even being obese, and to finally respect her real nutritional, physical and emotional needs). Exercise is the hardest part for me right now;
– I want: To be debt free and have enough money to repair my house, and to continue providing for my children and their studying & help them starting a life of their own;
– I want: To be (financially) able to retire early so I can do whatever I want with my life: maybe working part-time, or volunteering and helping people in need, maybe start a helping group around here for people who could use my help and support, start my own business, etc.;
There, I said it! Whew! Feels good! 😉
I do love the work you do Erin! Thank you for being such a loving, caring, energetic wonderful person!
I want a profitable and portable business.
I want a toned, strong and flexibly body.
I want to be debt-free.
I want to be well ( I really really want this)
I want a man who loves me just the way I am
I want to be debt free, do a job that thrills me, have respect and love from my teenagers, cure my Mums dementia, learn to ski better, be really good at something creative, have a stimulating social life, have a house with nice neighbours ….
Ok, I know that’s more than three, who cares if I cheated a bit 🙂
This is really simple, but a powerful exercise. Thankyou. X
I want to be healthy.
I want to be financially comfortable working for myself.
I want the love of my life to appear to me.
🙂
I want to be lighter
I want a lot of money
I want to be a mom
I want to be able to digest all foods flawlessly.
I want to feel lovable and worthy.
I want to have a kick-ass health coaching business and truly help people.
I want to travel without fear and anxiety.
I want to release all my fear, guilt and shame.
I want to have whatever I want.