2 Crucial Questions to Ask Before Deciding
Lately I have been watching all the new, wonderful ways to connect with people on social media.
It’s awesome, but can also feel a bit overwhelming don’t you think?
You start wonder, “Oh, maybe I need to do this, that or the other thing to feel/be successful.”
But this pressure doesn’t just exist with social media. Life is made in a series of small choices.
We ask ourselves, do I need to take this program in order to succeed? Or join this class? Or go on this date? Or do this workout? Or take this job?
Will “this” be the thing that moves me forward? (By forward, I simply mean towards your success, whatever that means to you.)
This question really starts to weigh on you, particularly if you are starting to see other people succeeding at the thing you are contemplating doing.
To me, it’s a little like this. Imagine you’re standing on a pier, simply enjoying the lovely view. You notice a boat pull in. Suddenly, all the people around you start to board the boat, but you don’t really a) know why, or b) feel like getting on the boat.
After all, you are enjoying your lovely time on the pier, right?
But your inner tension builds as more people get on. You hear the captain announce that the boat will soon be leaving. You feel that if you don’t get on you may quite literally miss the boat.
If you feel like there is a boat pulling into your personal pier, and if you are wondering whether or not you should get on, I want you to listen closely.
Do not get on the boat just because everyone else is, or someone told you to. That is not a good enough reason.
Start by asking yourself these 2 questions before deciding, but don’t overthink them:
1. Will this thing bring me joy or be fun to do?
2. Will this thing GIVE me energy or DRAIN my energy?
For example, I personally like a good amount of alone/solitude time mixed with a good amount of social time. I need a balance. If had to do a job that required me to be super social ALL the time, I would feel terribly drained.
Conversely, if I had to be in a lab doing research by myself all day every day, I would go crazy.
I know I need a mixture. The balance between the two is EXACTLY what gives me energy.
If your answer is clear that whatever “this” is will drain you, then please, for the love of all that is, PASS on it.
The next thing I want you to do is repeat after me:
My success and greatness do not depend on whether or not I do this one thing.
Again:
My success and greatness do not depend on whether or not I do this one thing.
Are you getting it? Your success and greatness do not hinge on one single decision. Life is created from a series of small choices. Have faith that your success and greatness is something that is built, cultivated and grown over time.
Your greatness is something that lives inside of you and there will be MANY opportunities to cultivate it throughout your life.
You are the master of your fate, you are the captain of your soul.
With that my dear, Gorgeous don’t be afraid to get on the boat (take a risk!), learn that it makes you seasick (happens to me all the time), and then jump ship!
There is no harm in trying something. Only then you will know for sure whether it is, or isn’t, for you. Life really is a series of small choices that inform your next choices. No right or wrong here.
With that, speaking of social media, I am going to play on Periscope. I don’t know when or how or what. I might hate it. I might do it one time and say, “This is crap!”. But let’s see, shall we?
If you want to try it with me, you can follow me by downloading the app and searching “Erin Stutland”.
Lastly, if this idea of whether or not to get on the boat kicks up some feelings for you, come on over to the blog and share your thoughts. I love hearing how you deal with this sort of inner conundrum.
I appreciate you making space for me in your inbox. I will be back on Tuesday with something special for your SOUL.
Love,
Erin
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This is such great advice, the time alone allows me to slow down, pause and remember what is really important to me….versus what society “thinks” is important!
I always struggle with making decisions, so I love the two questions you pose, especially asking if the choice will drain or increase my energy! Great post and hope you have fun with Periscope! I hope you’ll update us with your thoughts on it! Sat Nam. Jennifer❤️
I promise to do so:) xo
I have been thinking this same thing about Periscope and Snapchat as I watch so many people jump on board. One side of me thinks about how everyone is equal over there right now and it’s a good time to jump on and create something big. The other side of me doesn’t want to do it at all. Doesn’t want to learn a new platform, doesn’t want to feel the keeping-up-with-the-joneses feeling of yet another social media outlet when I’m barely into Instagram.
And yet I feel this supreme missing out feeling.
I appreciate this message you shared so much. This decision will not make or break my business and it will not define who I am.
It’s so nice to hear this from you. And I think it truly is about listening to what excites you and brings you joy. Keep me posted on what you decide:) xo
I realized that In my work as a home stager and interior stylist I get down time to be creative and social time interacting with clients. You reminded me of how important it is for me, before my career change 4 years ago, I was in a management position and the constant interaction and being “on” socially all the time left me drained and unfulfilled. I hope your blog helps others to reflect and choose what works for them, not what they think they “should, or have to” do.
“My success and greatness do not depend on whether or not I do this one thing.” ?
Thank you! I too, need a balance of excitement, activity, people, with solitude, rest, toning it down. I have boarded many ships and I suppose I’ve even grabbed the wheel and run one or two of them aground, but I know how to swim and now after reading your blog today I like hearing someone else give me permission to choose not to take a ship if I really don’t think it will bring me joy or if it will drain my energy. I will pass this on!
Thanks, Erin ☺
For year, I have been trying to find my “thing” ever since I chose to jump ship after 25 years of nursing. During this time I have gardened, learned to crochet, refinished furniture, and stenciled flowers and butterflies on everything. I just started an accelerated degree program online for a BSW. I feel like I am crashing and burning one week in, and that I would rather crochet butterflies that do this schooling!! I have been offered the opportunity to paint murals in a daycare. I SO would rather do that than this psychology class I am required to take! I needed this today. Before it’s too late, I want to scream and run!
So well said, Erin! I have had to remind myself of that many times int he past and now, it’s pretty well ingrained. But what an important lesson to learn, especially in the days of one program after another. Now I go for the ones that truly grab me in the heart and soul and feel like fun, not something I have to do to be successful.
What great timing! Just recently I had attended two-free webinar-type programs: the first on how to write blogs and the second on how to coach someone through listening to their stories. After the first call, I found myself attempting to follow someone else’s advice instead of my own intuition. Fortunately I became aware of the dissonance early on. I ended up tweaking my blog a little bit, but letting the main message–which stayed true to me, my authentic self–shine through. The second webinar had me wondering if I should take a more intense program offered by the teleclass sponsors. I’m still on the fence about that but love the idea you presented here: that if I don’t feel it’s the right time to get on that boat, I can let it sail without me. It’s all about staying aware of what your inner wisdom is telling you, where it’s leading you. Thanks for the reminder. Your timing couldn’t have been better!
Dear sweet Erin!
Boy, this topic resonates with me. I have never wanted a Facebook page…although Ill admit, I’ve have wondered ” what if?”…as a momma of two beautiful little ones Facebook or Twitter wouldn’t be practical for me time wise. I respect those who do, honestly, social media looks kinda fun! Our culture is so fascinated with it.
For me though, rarity of quiet moments I do have are fleeting. I have chosen different ways to spend my “free” time uplifting myself like , listening to music or meditation or taking a bath… Alone! Haha
Social media just never turned me on…I’m just not getting on that boat?
Care ( soul stroll in rain boots)
I used to feel that way and pushed my intuition aside at times when I wish I hadn’t. Then I learned a great life lesson from my late mother-in-law when I told her I couldn’t decide between two courses of action. She said so simply, “Honey, if you don’t get a clear YES, you’ve got a clear NO.” I’ve lived by that for decades and it has simplified my life 150%. YES is all green lights, MAYBE is kind of a cautious BEIGE, and NO is a bright RED stop sign for me. It takes a minute. I’ll be 80 next week and don’t want to waste time agonizing over whether to get on the boat or not. This is a great blog!
She gave great advice! Thank you for sharing it and living by it! And thank you for your kind words and taking the time to stop by and read:) xoxo
Priscilla,
I love what you posted. Even though we all continue to change and learn, there is some wisdom that is forever.
I live by the Yes, No guide too…Intuition is divine. My husband always tells me the final frontier is within and that is the best place to get our answers…❤️
Thank You
Laurie
Today´s blog just describes what I’m going thru. What do I do when I feel stress out? I tap. I learned EFT from Nick and Jessica Ortner and it helps me a lot, acknowledging that I’m in doubt and then saying some of the mantras that I have learned from you: “I trust my intuition, I trust in my decisions, I believe I can make the best choice, I trust myself”
Oh this is so good! I have workshopped my butt off! And everything leads you to what you have inside already. Sometimes it takes a while to get that! A true Guru turns you on to your own Soul Self.
I love to be alone too and with my people and then choose when I’m out in the big world…
Love to You
Laurie
Thanks for dharing this great advice! You are totally right! Great inspiration 🙂
Erin!!
Thank you so much for this post. Exactly what I needed to hear today…
“My success and greatness do not depend on whether or not I do this one thing.”
I am starting down the road of actually acting and auditioning, not just taking classes and calling myself an actor. But my worth isn’t determined by whether or not I succeed or fail at this. It is the action that counts.
You are such a bright light. I’m so grateful I found you! Looking forward to more delicious insights from you. 🙂
Kacie
xoxo
thank you for your blog today. I know it was about social media, but your statement “You are the master of your fate, you are the captain of your soul” really struck home for me. I constantly struggle with my weight, my health, in a nut shell – me. But really I am the only one who can make changes. It isn’t going to magically happen. Not a certain program, or this food plan, or this workout plan. I can make all the excuses in the world but ultimately it comes down to me. My actions will be my outcomes. Thank you for the wake up call!
1. Will this thing bring me joy or be fun to do?
2. Will this thing GIVE me energy or DRAIN my energy?
Thank you for these two questions. You saved my business today. We can only learn. There is no failure and I am the master of my fate. So, what am I waiting for? Thank you.
Hi!,
I am so happy to read this!, I dont know why we preasure ourselves when no one else is pushing!, its like taking a deep.breathe in the park and you see a crowd running and all of the sudden you forgot that you were doing great just taking that breath!
I took a big step 2weeks ago I quit my job for many reasons but the most important It drained me! And definitly I was not feelimg happy, its a long road to really seek my thing! But I will find out, in the mean time I am dping some cleanning in my house that will reflect some realease for.my life. My mom died 4 years ago, she was a real happy lady, I am taking these days to clean out her stuff and I am proud that I decided at last to.take.that step!… 😉
I think I mixed themes but well.. thanks Erin for those 2 important questions that we should ask.us before we hope.in the boat or letting it go… 😉
Oh my goodness! These 2 questions are great!
I made a decision last week and I was very uncertain about it. I wanted to do it but I wasn’t sure it was right for me. If I had asked myself these 2 questions it would have been so much clearer that the decision I made was wrong. But it’s OK. It can be changed. I think I’m going to print this blog and put it on my noticeboard ready for next time I am struggling with something!