3 Steps To Follow When You Feel Like You’re Failing

“Can you talk real quick?”

I got this text message from a girlfriend who needed a quick ear.

She was back in the dating game and decided to try a few of the online dating/swiping diddies.

She connected with a guy, they had two amazing dates and then—poof, he disappeared.

Of course she was confused as to why this happened, but she was also frustrated with herself. The dates were ridiculously good! What had she done wrong?!

A classic question. What did I do wrong?

She called me knowing I would offer up a different perspective.

If you are “working on yourself” in any sense, you are probably familiar with the idea that your outside world is a reflection of your inner world.

In its simplicity, the Law of Attraction says that like attracts like. Because my friend is in this frame of thinking, she wondered why she would attract someone who just bails.

Was that a reflection of something inside her? Did she not set the right intentions? Was there something about her that was out of alignment? Was she failing?

On top of that, she was feeling like, “I have done SO much work on myself. Must I really do more?”

Which leads me to the question I believe we can all relate to:

Why is it SO DANG hard to get the thing we want?

This applies to our money situations, our career issues and even our body stuff.

We all struggle from time to time wondering where ‘OUR THING’ is. Why is it taking so long? Why is it so hard? Are you failing? How much more do you have to do to achieve what you really want?

3 Steps To Follow When You Feel Like You’re Failing

If you are wondering where your ‘thing’ is, why it hasn’t manifested yet, I have 3 steps I want you to follow to help you get back into the flow when you feel like you’re failing.

1. Stop working on yourself.

I realize this step is an unlikely suggestion coming from a coach whose business is all about helping people better themselves. So, I don’t really mean you should throw in the towel completely, start eating bonbons and sit on your butt for the rest of your life.

But if you are someone who is constantly working on themselves (which is something we all need to do throughout our lives) and attempting to manifest, I would say this: give yourself a break.

The intense naval gazing can get, well, intense.

Stop looking inward for a while. Instead, chill OUT for a bit. Look outside yourself. Take the day off. Go out and play. Or spend the day in your pajamas. Better yet, go out and play in your pajamas.

You don’t get extra points in life because you constantly spent it peeling back the layers of your life.

You have to remember that the whole point of bettering yourself is so that you can LIVE better.

So wake up and LIVE, as Bob Marley sang.

2. Maybe you are actually already in PERFECT alignment.

My friend’s situation sounded like a win-win to me. She had not one, but TWO great dates with a guy she met on an app. Which proves it’s possible. She completely let him lead on both the dates, something that she was working on. Another win for her, because she proved she CAN let go of control AND still have a good time.

And finally, the fact that it didn’t work out after the second date says to me that maybe she was in HUGE and PERFECT alignment. Perhaps Life was saying, “No, no. This isn’t the right match. Sorry darling, I have to clear this one out. Close, but no cigar. Gotta make space for something better.”

Don’t assume just because something hasn’t happened yet, you’ve done something or are doing something wrong. Maybe you’re doing something incredibly right by taking the actions you are taking, which is allowing space for the next possibly great thing.

Which leads me to my last suggestion….

3. Embrace your confusion.

My friend really wanted to understand WHY. What happened? Why didn’t the magic last?

I can make a bunch of guesses as to why, but really, WHY?

I get it. It’s really hard living in the unknown, but ya know what?

We are not meant to KNOW everything about life. We don’t need all the details all the time in order to live happy, fulfilled lives.

Let the moment you’re in unfold, with no need to control it.

Embrace your confusion and the unknown.

Sometimes, when we stop trying to understand, we gain new understanding. 

The more you let go, the higher your rise.

Now over to you!

How do you deal when things aren’t manifesting in your life when and how you want? Do you have any tricks for letting yourself embrace the unknown? How do you cope when you feel like you’re failing? Leave me a comment with your thoughts.

‘Til next time,
Erin