I Wanted To Be Her

How much time do you spend feeling jealous of someone else because you think they have what you don’t have?

How much time do you spend wishing you were in a different phase in your life, further along or right on par with where someone else is currently standing?

Last weekend was gorgeous in NYC (yes, I’m back) and I spent the afternoon hanging out in Washington Square Park. I was trying to adjust to being back in the city and this was one of those days where I am pretty sure the coolest/hippest people in New York, maybe even in the world, were hanging out.

It was a little intimidating to be honest.

From the Super Awesome Party Trio playing a rendition of I Throw My Hands Up in the Air Sometimes on the kazoo, to Curtis and Jessie (apparently two Vine stars, who knew that was even a thing) meeting for the first time, to the loads of bikini clad women tanning their toned bodies, NYC was in its prime.

I mean, it was just cool, cool, COOL everywhere you looked.

There was one little girl in particular that caught my eye. She was about 10 years old, dressed in these white sporty track pants, hip kicks, and a perfectly un-perfect ponytail.

She had a camera around her neck and literally seemed to bound from one spot to another snapping pics.

There was something about her.

She had a sense of confidence that you don’t often see in a young girl. You could feel her curiosity and creativity.

She was full of energy and didn’t have a care in the world.

She was in her zone.

I had a visceral reaction. While she was just a young girl, I had this feeling like I wanted to be her. Weird, right? I turned to my friend and said, “Look at her. She just has IT.”

There was a moment of me wishing I were younger (not 10, but younger), more confident, and more full of vavoom.

As the words, “I want to be her,” rolled out of my mouth, I realized, “Wait, what am I saying. No, I am not 10, but on many days I AM curious, I AM confident, and I AM full of energy. On most days, I DO have IT.”

The self-reflection wasn’t coming from a narcissist place; it was coming from a place of owning my own greatness even in the moment that I wasn’t particularly feeling so great.

Feelings of jealousy are normally. There is a study that says the higher a student’s GPA is, the more jealousy they will experience. So perhaps your jealousy is just because you are so damn smart!

But, aside from that, I wanted to give you a 2 step process for kicking the green eyed monster in the tush. Are ya ready?

1. If you can SPOT IT, then you GOT IT.

You wouldn’t be able to recognize qualities in someone else unless you possessed them yourself.

Maybe not those qualities in the exact way they express them, but I guarantee you have shades of them. You wouldn’t recognize them otherwise.

For example, if the person you are jealous of seems to be a pro at promoting themselves on social media and you can barely bring yourself to posting an update, let’s remove the THING THEY ARE DOING and just look at what it takes to do that very thing.

Might you say the quality you wish you had was ‘the confidence to put yourself out there’?

If so, I would ask yourself the question, “In what area or when in my life have I have been courageous enough to put myself out into the world and share something I believed in?”

Maybe it wasn’t through social media; maybe it was just sending an email to a small group of friends asking for their support on a project you were working on.

This still requires that same confidence to put yourself out there.

ACTION: MAKE a list of the QUALITIES the person possesses that you are feeling jealous of, and then circle the ones you know you’ve got, even if it is on a smaller level.

2. Ignite Your Spark!

If there are any qualities on that list that you DON’T feel like you possess at the moment, I invite you to come up with ONE action you can take that would IGNITE those feelings within you.

If I am feeling envious of a girl who happens to put herself together with great style and I am not feeling particular good at fashion (I can’t help but love my workout clothes) I will go the MY STYLE pinterest page, I created. 

I will spend an extra 15 minutes putting together one of the cute patooty outfits I pinned for myself.

Suddenly I am feeling like, “Oh maybe I am more of a fashionista than I thought!”

ACTION: Leave a comment below and tell me ONE quality you want to brighten within yourself.

Then tell me ONE action you are going to take to ignite that quality.

I can’t wait to read what you are going to do!

As always, thank you so much for making space for me in your inbox. I really appreciate you reading, commenting and sharing your life with me. I feel real special and honored.

With love,

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9 Responses to I Wanted To Be Her

  1. Oh, Erin! I know exactly what you’re talking about. I used to get these obsessions at various times with a certain girl or celebrity or inspiring person and want to be them. This stopped naturally as I learned to love and appreciate myself for who I am. Whenever this happens, I turn inward and look at all of the amazing things I know about myself, and remind myself that I have every quality I need to successfully walk the path I’ve been chosen to walk. I love your tips though, especially the one with finding a smaller part within yourself where you already do have that quality. It’s true, what we see in others is merely a reflection of what we have inside ourselves. What a great post, thank you for sharing!

  2. Organization! In my home life, (apartment, etc.) and in my business life.

  3. Amanda says:

    Reflection: Having spent about a decade in the world of holistic studies, fitness & yoga, I envy those that participate in a training…and then teach that thing they have trained for! I have taken numerous trainings, but have consistently been on the management side of running things. I am grateful for the skills I have to manage programs, but I have a longing to be a catalyst for change in a physical environment. My biggest passion is seeing others take steps to care for themselves & open up to their creativity; so why am I not part of this in my day to day?!

    Ignition: I am going to take charge in staying dedicated to my own practice, so I will be confident enough to do the Shrink Session Training! Looking forward to being a student who is learning to teach & lead others in feeeeling soooo gooood!!

    Thank you Erin, for your amazing insight & offerings. I am always inspired by your awareness & depth!!

  4. Hi Erin! I love what you said about “if you spot it, you got it.” I am just beginning to put myself out there as a coach & entrepreneur (and feeling all the YIKES that come with it). So where in my life DO I have the confidence to put myself out there? In my solo shows that I have taken all over Canada and to Chicago and NY! So I’ve got it. 🙂 Now I can just funnel that into something new and scary. 🙂
    Thanks for the great motivation! Also motivated to work on my style pinterest board!

  5. Fariba says:

    Hi Erin!!
    You could have not posted this at a better time in my life!! About three weeks ago, I quit my job of 20 years (cooperation management with a great pay ) to follow my dream of becoming a pastry artist and teaching people how to bake! I took a huge risk at age 47 to do this, but once in awhile the fear of not having an income (until I start making money) and fear of what If’s take over me 🙁
    So, I’m going to be strong and keep focus and trust my intuition! Money will come easily to me 😉

    *** I also want to THANK YOU so much for all your wonderful work, I started “tapping with Jessica” about 7 weeks ago and absolutely LOVE your bonus workout video 🙂 You & Jessica have changed my life 🙂 🙂 🙂 ****

  6. Jodie says:

    Confidence in myself and I would like to have more of a social media presence. With the social media presence I have been trying to post more and working on developing some new classes. This I am hoping will build my confidence .

  7. Josy says:

    Working on being more confident and generous. I want to be the best I can be. Of course I am influenced by others that inspire me(I.e. Erin Stutland). It is about taking little parts of others ,here and there, making them my own and fulfilling my dream. It is always about striving to be a better me!

  8. Max Arthur says:

    Me, i want to be as confident as that little girl. And maybe, a little more care-free.