Is It Time To Start Again?

Last week, I talked about easing into this new year. Many of you shared your beautiful new year’s rituals and how you are also letting things unfold.

If you need some inspiration, come check out the comments over here.

Today, I want to talk about my journey with my postpartum body.

First, I want to share my word for the year.

It will anchor me.

Guide me.

Remind me.

And inspire me.

The word is Nourish.

After spending almost the whole last year pregnant, I now move into yet another phase in my life, motherhood. This is me dancing with my daughter 🙂

So while first and foremost, the word Nourish points to that which I want to bring to my baby girl and my family, it also points to what I want to bring to myself.

Pregnancy was not easy for me.

Well, I should say, I had a pretty easy pregnancy, clinically.

I had a few small complications in the beginning (will be sharing that next week), but aside from that, physically it wasn’t bad.

Mentally, I struggled at times.

Perhaps you saw my post where I shared about the first time I was in workout clothes, shooting my TV show Altar’d this summer. My bump was really starting to show and suddenly, I had become incredibly self-conscious of my body.

(Crazy, because compared to where I ended up a few months later, it was just a wee little bump!)

Everything about my body was expanding. And while I had moments of really enjoying it (and trust me, I did everything I could to get into the groove with it), it was harder than I thought it would be to embrace my ever changing body.

Plus, I was just uncomfortable due to carrying a pretty big baby! (8 lbs 9 oz!)

Flash forward to today, I am no longer pregnant and my body is yet in another incarnation of itself.

Only now, I feel like I have an incredibly opportunity.

I am soft and squishy in places I have not been soft and squishy before.

My core strength is practically non-existent. My legs feel rather weak.

If you asked me to do a push-up, I’m not sure I could. Maybe on my knees.

I don’t feel strong in places I was once strong.

I don’t feel sleak in ways I once was either.

This is a new version of what once was.

And… I am really ok with it.

I would even say I am enjoying this incarnation.

Not just because I made a human, though that is pretty miraculous. (It’s still really hard for me to wrap my head around that.)

But more so, because I feel like I get to start over from scratch.

In this new body.

A never before lived in body.

I get the opportunity to rebuild my strength from the ground up. Slowly and sweetly.

More importantly, I get the opportunity to rebuild my relationship with my body.

I get to choose how I want to talk to my body while we rebuild.

I get to decide how patient I want to be with my body.

I get to slowly progress towards a better, healthier version of myself than ever before.

I also get to release expectations, even my very own.

While I was pregnant, there was one thing I knew:

I was going to give myself time and space to come back home to myself. And I knew my home would look and feel different.

It will take time. It will take NOURISHING myself each and every day.

I am very much looking forward to this journey, because I expect it will be one of ups and downs, twists and turns. But isn’t that exciting?

While perhaps you have not just had a baby, what, if anything, do you want to rebuild?

What needs nourishing in your life?

What needs your sweet, slow and steady attention?

What is begging for you not to rush or push, but rather to step into daily with care and kindness?

Listen, it is nice to have the reason of ‘I just had a baby’ as a way to start again.